Shapiro, The Improv Guy,
Story from attendee random lines
PCMA (Professional Conventional
The Random Lines from Attendees:
The Final Story:
Carla’s jaw dropped. “Valarie! You did WHAT?”
Valarie smiled. “I created you an online profile on DateMeNow.com. It’s time you joined the modern generation and stopped hoping you’ll meet a man behind your desk at that Destination Management Company. You can’t spend your life always looking before you leap.”
Delores wrinkled her nose. “Always look down the rabbit hole.”
“Get out of your box, girl. Put yourself out there.”
“It’s so impersonal, though! I’m a dud when it comes to computers and you want me to LEAP.”
“You know what leap stands for? Learn Engage Act Participate. You can do this! The base profile is set up with that photo I took of you at the buffet last weekend. See?”
Carla looked at Valarie’s computer screen with the bobble-head Snoopy on top. “You used that shot? I have food in my mouth!”
“Exactly! Your awesome self. Makes you seem approachable… Remember, we are all human, even event planners. And it shows that you take care of yourself and indulge. It’s like you’re declaring, ‘Carrots are delicious with ranch dip.’”
“Don’t be weird,” Valarie sighed.
“No, that’s just it. Love being weird. Embrace that side of yourself! Remember when you took that improv class?”
“Improv was fun,” Carla smiled.
“…because you let loose there. And then you walked out the door and kept that fun to yourself. That’s no fair to the rest of us who need to let loose WITH you. Share- don’t drink all the cough medicine yourself.”
“I think you’re the one hitting the cough medicine if you think this is going to work. Water is your friend! Drink your H2O. “
“You’ll drink whatever it takes, young lady. What’s it going to take to get you to relax?”
“Pixie dust and crack cocaine.”
“Mmmmmmmmm …Fresh out of both. But you’re never going to meet a guy if you spend your Saturday night’s in the bathroom tub.”
“The bathroom truly is amazing!”
Valarie sighed. “At least fill in the profile description about yourself.”
Carla looked at the big empty box and typed, “I want a wealthy man who will treat me like a princess.”
“What? You’ll totally scare off 99% of the men with that. Manage your social media voice,” she said, leaning over and deleting that whole line.
“I don’t know what to write.”
“Be Anecdotal. Tell him about you. Speak gibberish, for all I care…just get something down there.”
“What if I don’t get it right, though?”
Valarie smiled. “Failure is acceptable. It’s okay. Leave your ego at the door and learn to fail well, grasshopper. I’m going to start up dinner,” she said as she headed out of the room, calling back, “You start typing!”
Carla stared at that box again and looked up at Snoopy.
“How much tequila did she drink last night?”
Snoopy just bobbed his head eagerly.
“You think I should do this too, huh?”
More head bobbing.
“Ok…what are we going to do with this, dog?”
She considered just X’ing out of the application but she knew Valarie was right. And almost any time Valarie pushed her, she was glad afterward. Valerie sparked so many to do’s, as unsettling as many of them were. It was like Valarie was constantly saying “Disturb, Disrupt.” And maybe she needed a little disrupting!
Ten minutes, later, she clicked save. She stared at the screen for a few minutes, her stomach in knots and her muscles twitching, like a cat locked in a car. Never lock your cat in the car.
Then came the bling.
Donald1985 popped up in the corner with a message.
“Tasty snacks! I think there’s ranch dressing on your chin.”
Her heart leaped. You can do this!
“They were amazing,” she typed. “A religious experience.”
A long moment passed and the PC blinged again.
“Pray with your food, lol,” it read.
She smiled. This might turn out to be fun, after all.
Copyright 2016, Milo Shapiro